I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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