If i come over, it means nothing
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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