I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
