someone get that fucking seahorse.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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