well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
