She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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