Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
