It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
