Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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