consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
