just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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