my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
