i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
