I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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