I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize