That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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