I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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