Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
