your thong is hanging out like whoa
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
