I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
