Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
