Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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