you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
