when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
