I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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