went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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