Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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