guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
