dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
