I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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