It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
