the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
