My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
