and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
