What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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