I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
