You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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