Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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