don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
ok first of all what the fuck
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
