weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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