turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize