I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
