what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
