it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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