How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Randomize
