what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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