I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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