before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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