The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
