i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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