It's like God shit irony all over that family
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish you could order shots online.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
