i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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