I wish I only lived at night.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
