we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
