my phone needs a breathalizer
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Let's paint friendship bongs
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
