so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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