Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
