I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize