By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
