Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This baby is an asshole
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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