i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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