And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
