if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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