I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
