Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize