Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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