Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
