I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
