I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
